Family Night happened, but not like I "usually" plan it.Let it be known, Seth and I fight about 2 things. Him being late, and doing the dishes.
So here's how the night went...
I made Banana Bread Bars, Shepherd's pie, picked up a little gift for the kids for FHE, and got cheese rolls from Quilted Bear. The kids were being so good, I got them a candy cane white chocolate hot chocolate.
I talked to Seth, and he promised he would be home at 6, so we could all eat together.
At 6:17 as we wait at the table for Seth to get home, I am trying to talk myself out of getting mad so it doesn't ruin my night. At 6:21 I called him. He didn't answer. (Which he does when he knows I am mad. Smart? ) I call again. No answer. I call again. He answered and said he was just getting ready to leave his work. I had to just hang up because I was FURIOUS.
So much for all that calm talking in my head I did.
"Usually" its fine because we don't wait for him so that doesn't cause me to get upset, and want to kick his @$%!!
We just decided to eat, and at that moment my kids were upset, didn't want to eat their dinner, wanted to jump and play. I "USUALLY" don't take out anger on them. I can keep myself in control, and I am not like that any way. It wasn't their fault he was late.
But, I raised my voice and sent them to time out until they were ready to behave at the table.
Once they decided they were ready, we ate. Well, I ate. They played with their yummy dinner that I made. We talked about the day, and then we were done.
Seth came home at 6:40pm, said sorry and I went upstairs, leaving him to finish dinner with them.
"Usually" I don't stay mad long, so Seth came upstairs expecting me to be over it by now, making jokes, and trying to talk to me. I gave him the silent treatment. Just so he knew I didn't feel like talking to him.
At some point you have to put your foot down though.
He is "usually" late. "USUALLY". If I am being honest, normally him being 40 minutes late wouldn't be such a big deal. But when we are all waiting on him, I don't have patience for that.
The one thing that pisses me off more than anything is that he doesn't freakin' call me to tell me he is running late. We have talked about it so many times. JUST CALL ME. (He probably doesn't call me because he knows I am "usually" upset, but it is much worse if he doesn't call me) He still never does which I find disrespectful.
His excuse is that he always thinks he is going to get out the door and doesn't.
I know he has a lot to do with his own business. Anyone that owns their own business knows that it is a lot of work. It's not like a regular job that you just get off at 6pm, and you can go home. I know all these things, it has been almost 6 years.
I had just had it! Last week, he was over an hour late from the time he told me he was going to come home almost every night, and one night he was even 3 1/2 hours late. I was mad that night, but for the most part I get over it after he apologizes.
He "usually" doesn't have to do much at home. I make dinner every night, do all the house work, do all the laundry, I run the kids to and from all their places they need to be, and I also work and have plenty of stuff I do everyday for that as well. He "Usually" just has a few things to do, and don't get me wrong, I take pride in taking care of my family. I love taking care of my family, but only when I am respected.
I am still mad if you can't tell.
Anyway, the kids were so wound up, and he was getting upset with them, and they still didn't care. He told them they couldn't have family night if they weren't good. They were not listening to him, so I went downstairs spanked each of their bums.
They were in shock. We don't spank. "Usually". I didn't feel bad. Maybe because I wasn't angry when I did it, just tired of them not listening. They were acting so naughty up to that point, and time out wasn't working.
They shaped up real quick and wanted to get in my bed for our FHE story. We read "I believe in Santa Claus" which is a great book that is about the true meaning of Christmas.
We also read "Away in a Manger" I gave them one of their special gifts that I had got them. Which was a manger scene. They were so excited. As they "usually" are unwrapping any present.
They were so good for that 20 minutes, and I felt at peace for the night. Somehow. Even though I was still mad at Seth.
They went right to bed, and I took a hot bath. And read this creepy murder mystery book. And shoved Seth away from me when he wanted to cuddle before I went to sleep. I did tell him I loved him though.
Then I had a dream about lesbians (Which included Emily D. Kelli Weight, Ailee, and a few other people I can't remember) Don't worry girls, it was only because the chapter I read last night was talking about lesbians!
This morning I received a letter on our bathroom counter from Seth. It was nice, but I'm still mad. and I'm not "Usually" mad overnight.
And another thing, I think who ever said "Don't ever go to bed angry" is lame. Sometimes you just need to sleep on it.
13 comments:
oh melissa, you're a dear. there are so many things i could say.
so many things but i won't! it is so hard. just know i feel for you girl.
Please say Emily. Please do. Even if I am wrong.
I'm glad you understand though.
i don't think you're wrong at all! are you kidding?!! i deal with this or similar on a daily basis and constantly berate myself for feeling so stressed out and often, miserable. jake has learned not to give me a time when i ask when he'll be home. he'll just say "i don't know" and we leave it at that. there are a lot of dinners without him and it sucks but he's doing what he needs to do to provide for our family. i just get so tired and look forward to the break and to the company. i get resentful. i get jealous that he gets to go out into the world and interact with real people. i get annoyed that all he talks about is his himself and his work. i get sad that suddenly, marriage is more work than i've ever experienced it to be. it was always so easy. there's just so much to deal with and think about and worry over and plan and prepare and finalize. men have no idea. and he could never say i have no idea what he goes through on a daily basis because i used to work full time, provide for the family and i was a mom at the same time. the role reversal in our household has been drastic and harsh the last year or so. i am a control freak with no control at this point. i love working but i know my (our) decision for me to be home is the right one but i hate to admit that i don't find being home every day all day long doing laundry and the like to be all that fulfilling. like there's no significance in anything i do. nothing noteworthy. then i berate myself for obviously needing to be recognized. i have more confidence than that, right?! i remind myself over and over "this is significant" but i still drown in self pity and bitterness.
see why i didn't say anything? i'm pathetic. i get so tired of reading and hearing from other moms and wives who give this impression of bliss all of the time. it makes me feel so guilty about the way that i feel. it's not that i don't find happiness in the small things. and, i am admittedly not a super chipper person by nature, it's just that my meloncholy has been especially bad since i've been home and we've been struggling so much financially after so many years of a severely opposite lifestyle. it's draining.
i think when you have a good marriage, when you geniunely love and care about your spouse, those times they dissapoint you are a stab to the heart. but nobody is perfect and everyone feels justified in their actions.
if it's any consulation, your husband returned my panicked email at 12:30 in the morning today about my home insurance and i was SO GRATEFUL when i woke up this morning and had it in my inbox. i know you know he's a good guy and you're a great woman, it's all about the give and take. i am determined to believe that at some points in life you have to give more than you take and visa versa for when you need to take more than you can give. it just always seem like this happens at the most inconvenient of times.
anyway, hang in there!
Ahhh... You are so cute! I really am glad you said something. I understand fully everything that you said. And the reason you miss your job so much is because you were dang good at it. Seth told me. And it was just something you could just tell when you were around.
I can imagine the money situation, but you can't miss what you never had right?? We are just about getting to a place where we thought everything was going to look so much better, and then WHAM! something happens with the business, and changes that. I know we will have everything we want someday, and I feel blessed for what we have!
And YES, Seth is such an amazing person, he just needs to take me serious sometimes! He is very, very, VERY good at his job, and I am happy for that.
AND, I know what you mean about the perfect life thing. I don't think to much of it though, because most people aren't brave enough to talk about the hard stuff, or they don't express them publicly. I also think that people write when they are really happy, and want to document the fun times.
I personally like to write always, and could care less what people think about most of the things I write about! Someone has to be honest about life, and lets face it, life isn't perfect!
Thank you for writing me though, and making me feel better about not being the only women in the world that knows what it feels like.
"And another thing, I think who ever said "Don't ever go to bed angry" is lame. Sometimes you just need to sleep on it."
Melissa, this made me laugh. And you're right. About everything. So be mad until your not anymore. *hug*
Thanks Sandra! I thought about you a lot today. I really miss you! Wish you were here just for one day. Well, longer than that, but you know what I mean.
Also, I should correct myself when I say "I could care less what people think" because I do. I just meant when it comes to personal things that I go through, only certain peoples opinions matter.
You don't know me, I found your blog through a friend of a friend, you know how it goes....anyway I just want to say your blog is a BREATH OF FRESH AIR, your honesty is truly refreshing!!!
I also wanted to say you seem like a FANTASTIC wife and mother :o)
Thanks Anonymous! Feel free to visit anytime! :)
Oh Girl, I have so been there but for different reasons. You are such an amazingly patient mother. It is hard carrying the largest load of house hold and family obligations. You are doing a good job and even you can have an off day, even though you still handled yourself really well. I know Seth being late has always been hard for you. I am sorry cause it can be disrespectful whether Seth means it that way or not. You both have a great deal of respect and love for one another that I know one day (hopefully for you) Seth we start showing up on time. And I thought what you said was funny too about the going to bed late. I agree sometimes you just have to.
Me in a lesbian dream huh? hmmm, lol. Melissa, I loved this post. Not because I like to see you mad, but because it's good to know that even the best of mother's and wife's get angry. You are awesome and you just do what you feel needs to be done. I totally agree with sleeping on it sometimes AND putting your foot down. I can't wait to hang out soon. I miss you!
I think it's really common for the person taking care of the home/family to be/feel taken advantage of. But it's great that you stand up for yourself! I'm more of a "fester & rot" kind of gal and that's not really good. Also...the lesbian dream made me laugh out loud! #1 wanted to know what I was laughing at. Needless to say, I didn't go into a lot of detail. ;o)
I loved what Emily said about "it's good to know that even the best of mothers and wives get angry too!" That is so true. I also Hate it when Ryan is late. It's like you said, just CALL!! I'm pretty much used to it by now but it still bugs me. Thanks for sharing this. There is a bit of an illusion with blogging that life is always perfect and wonderful because we usually only talk about the fun stuff, but it's refreshing and theraputic to talk real life sometimes too! Love ya!
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