Quote of the Day: "No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal."
— Bill Cosby, U.S. comedian (1937- )
Hal's Take: Referees have thankless jobs. Think about it: someone is always upset with them. If you find yourself at the center of sibling controversy, parenting can sometimes feel the same way. Be assured, though, there is no need to wear the stripes and blow the whistle. When we step in and try to make sure everyone plays fair and equality prevails, we are usually the losers. Have you ever really listened to yourself when you jump into a heated exchange with your kids? You end up tangled in their twisted, childish logic worse than they do – and you’re supposed to be the adult! Instead, allow them the space to work things out amongst themselves and model calm for them. Ultimately, the skills they’ll develop in doing this are far more important than who got to sit in the front seat yesterday. They’ll learn more about themselves and others in the process and you just might be surprised by their creativity and compassion.
Hal Runkel, LMFT, author of ScreamFree Parenting:Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool.
I REALLY NEED TO DO THIS MORE! MY KIDS REALLY CAN WORK THINGS OUT ON THERE OWN MOST OF THE TIME!
— Bill Cosby, U.S. comedian (1937- )
Hal's Take: Referees have thankless jobs. Think about it: someone is always upset with them. If you find yourself at the center of sibling controversy, parenting can sometimes feel the same way. Be assured, though, there is no need to wear the stripes and blow the whistle. When we step in and try to make sure everyone plays fair and equality prevails, we are usually the losers. Have you ever really listened to yourself when you jump into a heated exchange with your kids? You end up tangled in their twisted, childish logic worse than they do – and you’re supposed to be the adult! Instead, allow them the space to work things out amongst themselves and model calm for them. Ultimately, the skills they’ll develop in doing this are far more important than who got to sit in the front seat yesterday. They’ll learn more about themselves and others in the process and you just might be surprised by their creativity and compassion.
Hal Runkel, LMFT, author of ScreamFree Parenting:Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool.
I REALLY NEED TO DO THIS MORE! MY KIDS REALLY CAN WORK THINGS OUT ON THERE OWN MOST OF THE TIME!
2 comments:
I think I'll keep this one in mind for later years. Right now my girls are at each others throats ready to kill whenever they fight over something. Eliot was watching the twins the other day and said they got in an all out fight punching each other in the face several times before he could stop them. Neither one was crying they were both just angry. CAT Fight!
i totally agree that kids need to solve their own problems. luckily my kids are pretty good about this. if it ever gets out of hand physically, brooklyn usually wins. she'll outwit and beat him down 9 times out of 10. he knows this too .. so it doesn't usually get that far. it's funny. i just step in if there's name calling or to take something away so no one can have it at all. they don't like it when i do that, they're getting smart about fighting with each other. they know it's not worth it and i'm lovin' it.
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